We are women and we have our own gifts and magic. The world doesn’t need us to do what the masculine does. The world needs us to uphold the balance within so we can hold the space for the collective evolution to be born.
By Lindsay Carriarte-Jones
Having your feelings hurt can take you into the most healing spiral and self-empowerment.
Oooooh. It stings. It hurts.
When someone we’ve allowed into our inner sanctuary turns their back on us, it can seem unbearable. How dare they…
In fact, this was the very feeling that kept me turned away from my own softness and vulnerability as a woman for many of my years.
But what I have learned is that being hurt is the risk we run when we are authentic and open human beings who live in a state of vulnerability with those we care about.
In fact, being hurt is actually inevitable! And yet we spend so much time trying to fight the inevitable because we have a fear of the pain of being hurt. But without being hurt, how would we ever know the sweet joy of pleasure?
The truth of life is that people disappoint us. We all have our own path to walk. Just like us, they get pulled off track by outside influences and their own darkness. We can’t blame them for this, because perhaps it is part of their own path to have this experience. If we are injured by the choices of others, it is no one’s fault but our own for holding them to a higher expectation of behavior than they are capable of displaying.
OUCH, right? Because it’s easier to be righteously hurt than it is to look upon our own expectations that we are placing on those around us.
That’s where the real disappointment arises from—when we don’t allow ourselves to honestly see where another is in their life, instead projecting where we think they are or should be. This is the prime setup for disappointment and hurt. Can you relate?
The people in our lives are going to be less than perfect all the time, just like we are. It doesn’t have to be a crisis or a drama. Yes, it may hurt, but we can choose a new way of interacting with these feelings. We can choose to accept and release the hurt instead of stepping back onto our platform of righteous indignation.
Allow me to illustrate,
I used to want to run far away from everything, to close myself off; now I pause and take that moment to breathe even in the face of the most painful emotions, such as this situation that occurred recently.
I was hurt by someone close to me who I also respected very much. I felt really angry at first. I wanted to fight and tell them all the things that they do wrong in their life. I wanted to yell and scream and call them out on their BS and pick apart their whole being.
But I didn’t. Instead, I took a breath. I observed.
And guess what? I saw something in that moment of breath. I saw space between me—my soul—and the pain of my feelings and thoughts. I realized that my feelings were not my identity, and they would eventually ebb and flow like the tide back to sea. For the first time in my life, I was seeing the event for what it was (which was someone else being where they are and me getting disappointed due to my expectation on them) instead of being blinded by my own pain and wounds.
This is powerful because most of humanity, amongst every single group of people, we will find those who are projecting their unhealed pain and wounds onto everyone around them. As women, we do it to men. The religions are doing it to each other. The races and cultures do it to their oppressors.
What we need to understand is that projecting our pain does nothing except perpetuate the discord and the aggression on the planet. We seem to think that accepting our pain and releasing it means that we are condoning the bad behavior of those who may have hurt us. This is not true. When each and every one of us finally realizes that someone hurting our feelings is actually a blessing because it shows us where WE have our own healing to do, instead of going into blame or righteousness, then the world may know peace.
But not before then. We cannot come to peace and equality as long as we are looking for someone to blame for our own pain. And as a woman on the planet, I am ready to accept my role in helping the collective heal. I finally understand that when it comes to emotional transmutation and learning how to show compassion to the wounds of the planet and its people, we are the vanguard for the new collective. Women are fighting so hard to be “equal” to me by proving they can do what men can do, but better.
Why? I ask? We are women and we have our own gifts and magic. The world doesn’t need us to do what the masculine does. The world needs us to uphold the balance within so we can hold the space for the collective evolution to be born. Because the ONLY way forward is to raise up both sides of the coin. And that means reteaching the world and all of its people (regardless of gender) how to raise up their own beautiful compassion and nurturing abilities, first to ourselves and then to the world.
We must start by owning our pain.