“How do I heal my Feminine?”
This is probably the most popular question I get. Here is the thing peeps: what we do not actualize within ourselves weakens our life force. Our soul will always try to achieve resolution and balance whether we like it or not so the repression of our Feminine manifests itself through low self-esteem, lethargy towards our dreams, struggles in relationships, and fear of love.
Our feminine power is not something we need to acquire; it is an internal source of energy we tap into.
It was always present within us as it is part of our creation and birthright as women.
Creation needs both masculine and feminine principle to come into being.
For years, I did all the right self-loving practices. From daily journaling to indulgent baths and focusing on loving others. These practices are very valid and I kept trying on different ones until I felt a tinge of love towards myself. But nothing would come. Sure, taking a bath and buying new decks of oracle cards felt super good at the time but then my underlying feeling of not being loveable nor good enough kept coming back to the surface. I was trying to love myself from the outside in rather than transforming my inner shadows that held the love I felt for myself hostage.
The day I started developing my Feminine on my Magdalene journey to the South of France was the day I felt a true bond and intimacy with myself, an intimate place where I could cultivate true love for myself and from myself. Developing my Feminine meant integrating all of the shadows that were sitting like sad boulders on my soul, waiting in line to be brought up to the light to breathe the beloved fragrance of love from my womb to my heart and mind. The light of my soul had been ignited and it now informed the burning of my pain, slowly, like a candle burning down, I began softening my interiors to let the love that never ever leaves make itself home in the deepest seat of my heart.
I related to my own emotions for the first in my life and I stopped bullying myself for feeling negative emotions. My wounded masculine complex wouldn’t let my emotional pain be accepted as I perceived feeling pain and sadness as a weakness at the time. I witnessed my mother ruin her life because she drowned her own pain in alcohol so I separated myself from any type of negative emotions, pushing them away as far from me as I could because I was frightened to become like my mother. Denying my pain acceptance love and activating my neediness even more. The more I pushed myself away from my own acceptance, the more desperate I grew to receive the acceptance of the world.
Before I began walking the road back to my Feminine side, I attracted feminine men and I didn’t know why my dates and boyfriends would rarely take the lead and make me feel safe.
The Feminine aspect is the kindest and warmest presence in your being. It is the soft, accepting, present, raw expression of your soul.
It is the mystical glow you see around women but you have no idea what it is exactly. It’s an air of deeply seated confidence and natural ability to love and be generous but you don’t know how they do it so effortlessly. It is the inner glow that is impossible for men to resist and also impossible to fake because it can only come from a resolved and owned Feminine power.
There is nothing the Feminine cannot accept because it knows that acceptance is the highway to healing. It knows that without a circle of total acceptance, it will keep running toward external acceptance and that always leaves a hole in the soul…that cannot be filled until we return to that spot we left. Someone else be might able to kind of fill it but it will never be an exact match to fill the hole because we were already wholesome to begin with so only our own matter can match the Contacting the Feminine principle in yourself will change your personality, your demeanor, and most importantly, it will offer you a source of confidence, wisdom, serenity, and charisma that you can always return to.
You will master the skillful dance of receiving and giving, honoring and protecting, leaning back and rising, listening and proclaiming, hoping and releasing, emancipation and devotion, attracting and claiming.
Healing your Feminine will heal the rest of your relationships as it is the holy conduit of love into all of your parts. The Feminine principles in you will blow love into all of your flesh.
1. Heal your relationship with your mother.
Healing how we relate to our mother is the basic of our healthy relationship with our feminine aspect.
Our mother is the first figure that represents the Feminine in our lives. Our mama essentially teaches us what the Feminine looks like, acts like, and feels like. If you find yourself rejecting your Feminine aspect, it is likely that you have tried to become the opposite of your mother: your association with the Feminine became a negative charge through your mother’s embodiment of the Feminine. Growing up, I saw my mother as being weak, easily influenceable, and unreliable so I fought most of my life not to become like her (my mother was also alcoholic and abandoned me multiple times). I perceived being Feminine as being weak because I saw my mother selling herself for nothing and disrespecting herself. Once I researched her personal story, I was able to forgive her, and dissociate her from the true sense of Femininity.
What your mother may have done was not because of you. An important emotional skill to develop is self-soothing aka mothering yourself back to love and calm when childhood wounds arise. Asking your little girl what she is need of and how you are always always there for her.
2. Cultivate a relationship with the collective Feminine.
Read / watch heroinesque works. Feed your psyche with material that portrays the Feminine as empowered, not weak nor , and a force for good to trigger that ancient recognition in you. Cook. Massage your body with oils. Wear a dress once a while. I felt so empowered to be brave and fearless after watching Wonder Woman for the very first time. Pride & Prejudice empowered me to have a mind of my own in my interactions with the masculine gent. We become what we read and watch. Nourish your mind with works that portray a powerful, fearless, intelligent, courageous, and soft Feminine.
Pick a symbolic figure that represents the Sacred Feminine, and let that archetypal energy fill you.
Options: Quan Yin, Mary Magdalene, Mother Mary, Goddess Isis, Pele, Sekhmet, Lakshmi, Hathor. Incorporating their archetypal energies will activate your own Sacred Feminine energies. Develop a relationship with that Feminine embodiment by reading books about her, call on Her. Even if you don’t believe these holy figures actually existed, you can still tap into their archetypal energy and let that become part of you. It will soften you into your Feminine.
I love this Spotify Goddess playlist here.
3. Return to your body
The real spiritual work is to merge our soul with our body, spirit with matter, Heaven into Earth.
Create rituals for yourself that will bring your awareness back to your body, to the feeling aspect of yourself. Painting, pottery, dancing, yoga are activities that will bring you back to your body: the Feminine vessel of your soul. Creativity encourages life force and wisdom to move through us. A hot baths with essential oils will entertain our relationship with sensuality and help us bond with our skin, our body. The body used to be perceived as sinful to repress our Feminine nature. When we plunge back into our bodies with the strength and softness of love, we move with our soul, and become a Feminine vessel for the Divine to move through the world rather than a shameful body.
4. Heal your negative perceptions of the Masculine.
Unless you bring a positive resolution to your perception of the Masculine, you won’t feel safe to be Feminine in the presence of a man. When you unconsciously distrust the Masculine, your psyche will project that mistrust through self-protection and fear of vulnerability. You will want to get close to a man because the desire for love and partnership is hardwired into our human constitution, but as soon as the man emotionally moves closer to you, you might withdraw, sabotage the budding love, or you might focus on his flaws to give yourself a valid excuse to leave the relationship. Without a healthy and comfortable relationship with the Masculine, your inner child will bring forth its protective, masculine aspect to advert potential pain and abandonment.
Challenge for you: can choose, today, to shift your mindset and re-discover men? Start by becoming curious about them and think, feel, act as if you had to re-learn everything about them. Become welcoming to the sacred masculine aspect and you will meet encounters that support your beliefs on the masculine.
5. Transform your unconscious beliefs against the Feminine.
If you became fully soaked in your Feminine…what are you afraid could happen? Do you believe that it is weak to be feminine? Or that feminine women often lack intelligence? Do you believe that you need to be strong in order to be loved and respected? Write down these questions and journal your answers. Be totally transparent with yourself and let yourself answer truthfully. Your beliefs held against the Feminine prevent you from becoming the Feminine magnet that wants to blossom inside of you.
True transformation is not only removing the past, it also means creating a new relationship with our future. Without integrating our Feminine principle, we are merely shadows of our highest potential and strangers to our soul.
A visualization to connect with the Divine Feminine:
Lie down or sit in a comfortable position, relax your muscles and slow down your breathing. Read this visualization several times so that you may remember it once you close your eyes and go into a meditative state. Write down what comes up after the meditation.
Place your hands on your womb.
Feel a warm sensation as you see for yourself a red glow in the center of your womb growing brighter, and ascending toward the sacred space of your heart.
Now begin to see that divine flow of red light turn into a river that makes its way towards your heart, healing all your limited unconscious and conscious beliefs against yourself, your womb, all wombs.
As the red river makes its transcendent journey upward, it opens the internal circuits of your self and it heals all your limiting beliefs, hard knots of self-condemnation, and open wounds of fear.
The crimson energy swirls through every chamber of your heart,
activating the brilliance of the Divine Feminine to charge every cell within you
with purifying love and nurturance.
You allow that red firmament of feminine life force
to dwell within you for a few moments until you feel a surge of strength, confidence, and peace.
For more meditations and visualizations, purchase my book here.
What do you do to nurture your feminine side?
Thank you Inès Longevial for the art. Please find more of her genius on ineslongevial.com.